• FIRST STAGE:             First Doubts

• SECOND STAGE:        Seeking Alternatives

• THIRD STAGE:            The Turning Point

• FOURTH STAGE:        The Exit

DISENGAGEMENT & DISIDENTIFICATION

An ex goes through various stages in the process of disengaging her/himself from a role and in
re-establishing another role identity for her/himself. Whether one is moving from childhood to
adolescence, from employment to unemployment, from single life to marriage, or vice versa,
each of these movements involves a disengagement from the values, norms, social supports and
ways of thinking that are associated with the group or relationship one is leaving.  Every ex
has been involved in a process of disengagement and disidentification, of withdrawing from the
expectations and obligations associated with a role.

A Sample, Generic Exit Letter Written to Family by an Ex-Mormon 

• You may find it therapeutic to write down and crystallize the feelings and thoughts that led up to your making one of the hardest decisions in your life. 

• It is very healing and comforting to read your feelings in print which were written by someone else who experienced the same thing. 

• To know others felt like you did/do; to have confirmed that you weren't alone or crazy!  People crave confirmation of their thoughts and suspicions.

Leaving is not easy. -- It is a process in the mind.

DISENGAGEMENT & DIS-IDENTIFICATION

An ex goes through various stages in the process of disengaging her/himself from a role and in re-establishing another role identity for her/himself. Whether one is moving from childhood to adolescence, from employment to unemployment, from single life to marriage, or vice versa, each of these movements involves a disengagement from the values, norms, social supports and ways of thinking that are associated with the group or relationship one is leaving. Every ex has been involved in a process of disengagement and disidentification, of withdrawing from the expectations and obligations associated with a role.

FIRST STAGE: First Doubts

(4.) Specific Events

(5.) Discrepancies and Contradictions

The Meaning and Significance of Mind Control

From Tom Schroeder – 11-21-03

Hello Again,

Now, the last few days, there has been different things written here about homosexuals, lesbians and gays, etc. I am sure some people are very cautious to state their opinions on this subject, just as some gays I know that are cautious about stating their opinions.

I will tell you what took place 10 years ago. After Sunday meeting, I was invited to stay for dinner with about 10 other people and my sister-in-law asked me, “What's new, Tom?”

“Well, I have been invited to a wedding and a reception,” I said.

“Are they professing and someone we know?” she asked.

I said, “No, they don't go to the meetings so you don't know them.”

“Is it a church wedding?” she asked.

“Yes, it's two gay women having a church wedding here in Chicago.”

WOW, did that conversation ever spring alive around that dinner table.

Now, you all know that you can't get truther's around the dinner table to discuss what they heard in the fellowship meeting just an hour before, or if they have any doubts if they are going to go to heaven when they die.

But this was different!!

“You are not going to a gay wedding,” they said. Why, “they” wouldn't be seen near a place like that and they didn't think it was right for me to go.

We were shunned by the very people we were to go to meeting with.

From Tom Schroeder:

Hello again:

I should tell you all that a lurker on the "list" called me this forenoon and asked me when I was going to write another story. 

He asked me if I had read on the list about all the money that the friends give to workers. No, I told him, as I had done a few days of charity work this week and had a lot of reading to do to get caught up.

"Well, I can't talk too long," he said, as his wife would soon be home from meeting.

So I am writing this letter to him.

For the sole purpose of establishing my “intimate” knowledge of being raised in the 2x2 way and practices that were common and normal and varied experiences from North, South, East and West in the USA and news of other countries, I will try to briefly outline my family genealogy.

I certainly hope that no one thinks I am bragging (a complaint I have about being in the 2x2's was how many people talked about their superior worker and saint family to push themselves into even higher status).

I purposefully leave out names, because “name dropping” is not my intent and draws away attention from the “bare facts.” Those who are familiar with any of the people will know by the facts, who they are.

I came from a family, that I suppose most would say was of the superior or elite. I was in the second generation, born and raised (4^th generation of professing.)

My father has 2 sisters in the work in foreign fields of South America and Korea. My father's parents were both in the work before they left for “health reasons.”

My grandmother, being literally “coerced” to be in the work due to her mother's expectations (her words, not mine! And she said that was expected of her), suffered a nervous breakdown in less than 2 years. She was extremely understanding after that, of making sure to NEVER, EVER place expectations on her children of going in the work, because she knew it just wouldn't work that way if you aren't “called.” Interesting how then, her own two daughters ended up going in the work, and her 3 sons did not, but yet are professing.