Copious Articles on Marriage and Family
Here are three very helpful websites
that use Christian counseling through a church.
They use a great journaling tool workbook called
Divorce Care
It is in the form of a Christian devotional book and the questions in it are all geared to lead a person to wholeness by utilizing scripture.
The three websites are:
Sex, Romance and the Glory of God: What Every Christian Husband Needs to Know
by C.J. Mahaney
Divorce and Remarriage by Guy Duty
Divorce and Remarriage: A Redemptive Theology by Rubel Shelley
Divorce by John Murray
A Marriage Without Regrets by Kay Arthur
Lost in Translation: How Men and Women Can Understand Each Other by Dr. Steve Stephens
Books by Gary Smalley:
Hidden Keys of a Loving, Lasting Marriage
I Promise: How Five Commitments Determine the Destiny of Your Marriage
The language of Love: How to Be Instantly Understood by Those You Love
Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships - The Gary Smalley Series VHS Tape Set
- - -COMMENTS- - -
I'd probably still be in the group if my husband of 11 years had not left me with a 2-year-old and no explanation. I continued going to meeting for 3 ½ more years, but I was never treated the same as before he left.
The friends never invited me to anything anymore. It was rare to get a visit from workers, too. It was like I suddenly had leprosy or something when the only thing that had happened was my husband left and stopped going to meeting.
Not one person ever offered to babysit, no one ever asked me if I needed any help, encouragement, etc!!! (and single parents with custody ALWAYS have needs for friends and encouragement!!!!!)
I asked our elder why people acted that way and he said, “Well, no one would want to appear to be taking sides.”
I could not understand that either. Why not take sides since I was the one still going to meeting????? Why not give me the emotional support and encouragement that I was going to need to raise a child by myself for 21 years???
(By the way, she is almost 25 now, and although she is not perfect, she is a Christian and is so thankful that I left meetings when she was 5 years old.)
The 2x2's cold behavior toward me is what gave me the courage to start going to some church meetings with people at my work who considered me their “neighbor” (according to the 10 Commandments) and who acted concerned about us. That was when I began to realize just how empty of Christian doctrine the 2x2 group is. I had never encountered ANY Christian doctrine until I went to Christian churches so had never had an opportunity to learn that 2x2's did not have any.
When I heard REAL TRUTH OF JESUS and learned so much, my Bible came ALIVE in my hands and I got to know a LIVING SAVIOR who wanted to have a RELATIONSHIP with me here and now!!
Jesus was offering abundant life (with no BUN required) NOW, instead of me struggling with a host of rules and hoping for an abundant (with a BUN required death). JESUS IS, not WAS, or WILL BE, or HOPEFULLY WILL BE for people. He said HE was THE “I AM.”
One reason the DIVORCE PROBLEM is SO prevalent among 2x2's is the way they meet and marry. It is so unnatural to marry someone that you have not been with daily for a period of months, getting to know one another, day in and day out. Most of us basically married our “PEN PALS,” to whom we wrote letters from hundreds of miles away, saw a few times per year, and with who we had very few dates before marriage.
Another reason the DIVORCE PROBLEM is so prevalent among 2x2's, is because the LOVE that one grows up with “Feel (and is) so conditional” upon accepting and complying with a lot of rules. Many children feel their parents won't love them or won't love them as much if they don't “PROFESS.”
They see their little friends PROFESSING and see them “LOVE-BOMBED” and getting lots of attention that they also want to experience. It has little to do with getting to know Jesus.
The more generations a family is in the 2x2 way, the more “IN-BRED ACTING” their behavior is with regard to their ability to be in healthy human relationships.
They learn from the previous generation how they are to behave and most are very lacking in basic social skills.
Nothing is more refreshing than to have someone in a family have the courage to marry outside and, thus, bring in some new ideas and some “NEW BLOOD” comes into a family to change the dynamics. Of course, the FRIENDS AND WORKERS hate that because it can also cause members of that family to become “DISSATISFIED” and leave the group as the new one tells them what it is like OUTSIDE “THE BUBBLE” THEY ARE LIVING IN!!!!
Someone ought to print “THE BUBBLE” article here for D_ _ _ and L_ _ _ _ and some other new ones to read.
Love, Jane
Posted on the Two-by-Two List on September 19, 2002
Dear Listees,
I have long wished someone would explore the divorce and remarriage issues (D & R), and start a webpage on this subject.
When it happens to someone, or to someone near and dear to them, it is often an event that wakes people up to see that the hard, inflexible way(s) D&R is handled in "the truth" cannot be reconciled with God's character. They begin to search the scriptures intensely for themselves, and discover what God is really like - - and thus begins their exodus out.
For that matter, the way it's handled so differently in different parts of the world, depending on the overseer in command - - it can't even be reconciled by the standards "the truth" claims to hold; i.e., being the same everywhere.
Cheerio, Cherie
Posted 1-27-00
Just a couple of comments about my thoughts regarding divorce/remarriage:
I understand that marriage is meant to be a covanant made before God and man so if one partner of the union breaks the covenant, then the other partner is released from the covenant and free to remarry. Perhaps the sticky part is in identifying what constitutes a 'break' in the covenant. Infidelity and abuse of any kind are obvious breaks. When one promises to love, honor, respect, care for, etc., then how about lack of respect, putting other interests or goals ahead of one's spouse, etc., etc., etc.?
I feel very strongly that it is up to the partner to determine if the covanant of marriage has been broken......NOT CLERGY!
I remember having the sister workers in our home one evening. It was time to reprint the local address sheet of professing folks.
The older sister worker asked my husband and I, if we felt a parenthesis should be placed around the name of a non-professing spouse. We discussed it at length, finally agreeing (gasp, gag & choke) that perhaps having a parenthesis around one's name would get that person to start thinking about their soul's 'lost' destination.
What a contrast to the address book from the church I attended for 5+ years in which the spouse's name is included to make him/her feel welcomed and included even if they don't attend the church with their spouse!
All for now, S.H.
Posted 1/28/00
* * * AAAAHHHH, yes!!! How well I remember being within the "parenthesis" on the address list. And I can confirm that it did indeed make me think.
It did "NOT" make me think about my "lost" destination, though, but rather about how lame I thought the 2x2's were!!!
Joyce
Posted 1/28/00
As most of you know, Lesley White is now the head worker of Colorado. Up until his holy arrival here about 10 years or so ago, divorced people could not take part in meeting. Oh, how the 2x2 people here loved this man's arrival. All of the 2x2 parents who had divorced kids were so happy because their divorced kids could, all of a sudden, remarry and take part!
So these poor ole' folks born way back into the oppression of "THE WAY" of the 20's, 30's and 40's. (ME, for one) were also told that if they were divorced, and in many cases, the cause didn't seem to matter, they couldn't remarry and they couldn't take part in meeting if they did remarry. So, I personally know several poor old 2x2 ladies that I feel <so sorry> for, who have lived in bondage to this "rule," living in isolation, and living <very> lonely lives!!! After all, the rule was......."You better not remarry and if you do, you <can't> take part in meeting......but "THE WAY" doesn't change, we have to remember, so who would ever think (certainly not these poor ole' ladies adhering to "THE WORKER LAW") that a few years down the road in Colorado............what <WAS>, has now been done away with!!!
I cannot think of enough adjectives to describe how bad I feel for the 2x2 people of years ago. Many of them going to their graves never knowing anything different.
So these poor old people born back in those years, persecuted and oppressed, and subjected to rejection, manipulation and fear if they crossed a worker, had to survive in this powerful cult..............what were they to do???? So they developed coping skills.................self-righteousness, piousness, sanctimoniousness, puritanicalism.......with all the lessons of helplessness and dependency to the "WAY" taught by the workers............they <had> to have some control over their own lives. So they developed these skills of manipulation, piousness, self-righteousness, critical spirit, but with an odd twist of passivity! They were in a belief system (CULT) that took away their dignity and sense of self-worth. They lived with abuse and so they modeled abuse to their families. (ME, for one) They had to tolerate anything for the sake of "THE KINGDOM!!!"
The subjection to psychological abuse made it virtually impossible to free themselves.
Cheryle
9/99
* My dad divorced her against her will about 20 years ago however she has always considered herself still married--even though my dad remarried. My dad died last January and I asked her if she had any thoughts about getting married again and the sweetest smile came over her face. She said she doesn't have anyone in mind but I could tell just the thought of it warmed her heart and gave her something to look forward to. Later I felt very sad for her that she had to wait 20 years (the best years of her life) because the 'faith' outlaws remarriage--she is now 71 yrs old.
* The book that has been mentioned in other posts called Divorce & Remarriage by Guy Duty (not to be confused with Divorce and Remarriage by Ralph Woodrow) is excellent. I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in this subject. It was such an eye opener.
* Divorcees are viewed by many as sub-saints. They suffer from lack of fellowship too. Since there aren’t very many of them, they don't fit in with married couples or the singles, so they get ignored. The same goes for those who marry outside.
* The discussion about divorce touches my heart, too. My mother is divorced, and very much fits in that category as "not quite as good" as other truthers. She is left out of things all the time, was not allowed to take part in meeting for a while after her divorce (?) until the workers told her she could. Oh, the power and lordship of the almighty worker!!! (again, thick sarcasm!) My poor mom went through so much just to remain "faithful"....and she still does.
* Just to bring you up to date... the "truthers" used to outlaw remarriage, but now it is quite a common practice, with the workers blessing, in some parts of the world, and still outlawed in other parts. No doubt you are aware of the controversy on that issue. The eastern US is pro-remarriage, while the west is against it. The rest of the world is split too, as I understand it. 9/96
*Divorcees fear they will go to hell if they remarry. Remarriage in such cases is considered by some workers and "truthers" to be "living in adultery." This idea is taken from Matthew 19:9, and 1 Corinthians 6:9 which says "...adulterers shall not inherit the Kingdom of God." Some of the friends will not have fellowship with divorced and remarried couples/individuals as they interpret James 4:4 as saying that if you are friends with an adulterer, you are an enemy with God. For anyone troubled by these verses, or remarriage, a book that is highly recommended is: "Divorce and Remarriage: What Does the Bible Really Say?" by Ralph Woodrow.
* In 1996 Harold Hilton stated at convention, that: "Professing people who marry 'worldy' people are just throwing their children's lives away."
From the TMB, a posting on September 2, 2008:
I'll post a couple of articles I came across that helped me understand scriptures. You have to read the scripture in context. Please don't be in bondage about this. There are differences of opinion all across the 2x2's on this matter. My husband and I are remarried here in the midwest are completely free to take part if we went to meetings.
In Liberty,
Sherlene
Here is one of the articles:
DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE, A SCRIPTURAL STUDY
by Robert Wells
One of the most controversial subjects in the body of Messiah is divorce and remarriage. Is it a sin to get a divorce? If not, is it a sin to re-marry? Are you living in adultery if you re-marry after you are divorced?
There has been, and is, much misleading teaching concerning this issue. Many people needlessly feel guilty about their marital status. Marriages have broken up because of false teaching. People have been led to go contrary to God's law, only to end up committing suicide, because of wrong (according to the word) council. Obviously there is a definite need for an in depth study of this topic. The following is the author's attempt to harmonize all scriptures concerning this very controversial issue.
Any study of divorce/re-marriage must be based on the law of God. If it is based on anything else, it's not even worth considering. With that in mind, we must define all of the key words in this study. These words will be defined as we come to them. The law concerning divorce and re-marriage can be found in Deuteronomy, the book of the law. Please note that Deuteronomy is God's law, not the law of Moses. Moses was merely the instrument of God (His servant). God gave the law to all of Israel. He delivered it to Moses, who was responsible to give it to all of Israel.
Now, let's turn to Deut. 24:1-4. All scripture will be quoted from the King James translation, unless otherwise stated. Deut. 24:1-4 1) "When a man hath taken a wife and marries her, and it comes to pass that she find no favor in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her, then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. 2) And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife. 3) And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house, if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife; 4) Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled, for that is abomination before God, and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which God thy Elohim giveth thee for an inheritance."
In verse 1, the words "bill of divorcement" are from one Hebrew word, #3748 in Strong's concordance, meaning a cutting of the matrimonial bond. The words "send her out" are #7971 in Strong's, meaning to send away. Please note that, in verse 2, after the woman has a bill of divorcement and is departed, she may go and re-marry. Both qualifications must be met before she may be another man's wife. This will be important to remember later on in the study.
In verses 3 and 4, note that if a woman's second husband divorces her and sends her away, she may not re-marry her former husband! I find it interesting that many of those who say that it is adultery to re-marry after being divorced, also say that one should divorce her second spouse and get back with their first. Both statements are contrary to the law of God, and the second statement is an abomination.
Deut. 24:1-4 is the law concerning divorce/re-marriage. There are exceptions to that law. I'll address those later, but for now, let's look at the various New Testament scriptures pertaining to this subject.
Matt.5:31-32 31) "It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: 32) But I say to you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."
If we take the King James version as it is written here, it definitely says that anyone who marries a woman that is divorced is committing adultery. However, this is inconsistent with Deut. 24:1-4, the law of God concerning divorce and re-marriage. I refuse to believe that Jesus taught contrary to the law. Therefore, let's take a closer look at this.
Verse 31 is consistent with the law; therefore we can let it stand as is. In verse 32 however, where it says "and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced commits adultery", the word "divorced" is #630 in Strong's. It means to free fully, i.e. literally relieve, release, dismiss. The primary meaning here is not divorce, but to put away, as in a separation. There are two specific words for divorce in the New Testament. In Strong's concordance, #647 means something separative, specifically divorce; #3084 means a loosening, i.e. specifically divorce. Jesus did not speak contrary to the law here. Most of our translations, though, are not accurate. I believe that George Lamsa's translation is accurate in this case, that is the last part of Matt. 5:32. Matt 5:32b (Lamsa) "and whoever marries a woman who is separated, but not divorced, commits adultery." Lamsa is correct here, because he is in agreement with the torah. However, in the first part of this verse, he uses the word "divorces" where he should have used "put away". Check your concordance. The word is #630 in Strong's, meaning to put away! And so, correctly translated Matt. 5:32 should read: "But I say to you that whoever puts away his wife, except for fornication, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is separated but not divorced, commits adultery." I hope this clears up a very controversial New Testament verse.
Now, let's look at Matt. 19:3-9. (3) "The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? (4) And He answered and said unto them, have you not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, (5) and said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and the twain shall be one flesh; (6) Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder."
If God brings a couple together, they won't have to worry about separation or divorce. God is not going to bring two people together that are not compatible.
Matt. 19:7 "They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? (8) He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so."
If a man does not diligently seek God's will in whom he will marry, he is likely to make the wrong choice. Not consulting God is hard hearted. Because men were, and are, making the wrong choice for their mates, God allowed for divorce and re-marriage (Deut. 24:1-4).
Verse 9: And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commiteth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. No bill of divorcement is mentioned here. If a man marries a woman that is put away, but not divorced, he is committing adultery.
Now, let's turn to Romans 7:2-3. "For a woman which hath a husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.
This is a favorite passage of those that say that it is adultery to be re-married if you are legally divorced. If you ignore the law of God, these verses seem to say that a woman could not re-marry after a divorce, otherwise she would be an adulteress. However, the simple fact is that if she be legally divorced, she no longer has a husband! These verses only apply to someone who is married. If you are divorced, you are not married!
Paul was well versed in the torah (Gal. 1:14), and in his first epistle to the Corinthians, he wrote a passage that should leave no doubt in your mind, if you simply look up the meaning of the key word. 1 Cor. 7:25-28. V. 25 "Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of God: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of God to be faithful." The intended meaning of the word "virgins" is celibacy, and Paul writes that there is no commandment of God concerning this. V. 26 "I suppose therefore that it is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be. (27) Art thou bound to a wife? Seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? Seek not a wife." If you believe that it is adultery to re-marry after a legal divorce, then it is convenient to assume that the word "loosed" refers to separation by death! However the Greek word here is #3080 in Strong's concordance, and it has only one very specific meaning. The word means divorced! With that in mind, now let's put the last part of V. 27 with the first part of V. 28. "Art thou divorced from a wife? Seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned;" Paul can only be addressing those who have been divorced here, and he says that if you marry you have not sinned!
Isn't that amazing? Paul, an expert in the law, says exactly the opposite of what many are teaching today. God is merciful. His mercy endures forever. He doesn't expect us to live the rest of our lives with someone who may be totally incompatible, because we didn't seek God's will in the first place. He does expect us to be firm if we do decide on divorce. We cannot divorce our 2nd spouse in order to go back to our 1st. God says this is an abomination (Deut. 24:4). Yet, that's exactly what many people were taught. I've heard of cases where people actually ended up committing suicide when they returned to their first spouse, and again it did not work out. What a tragedy! And yet, it could have been avoided, had they only sought God's will.
I mentioned that there are exceptions to the law of divorce and re-marriage. Let's examine those now.
Deut. 22:13-19 describes a case where a man takes a woman to be his wife. He then finds out that he hates this woman. He calls her a lady and says that she is not the virgin that she claimed to be. If the woman's parents prove that she was a virgin when she got married, and that the husband is lying, then the husband is bound to his wife for life. He may not put her away all his days.
The other exception is described in Deut. 22:28-29. It's short and simple, so I'll just quote it. "If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found, then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife, because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days."
Now, let's turn to Jer. 3:1-15. You can read the entire passage at your leisure. I'll just pick out the key verses for now. Verse 8, "And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery, I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also. Now verse 14, "Turn, O backsliding children, saith God: for I am married unto you: and I will take you one of a city, and two of a family, and I will bring you to Zion. In verse 8, God says that He gave Israel a bill of divorcement, but in verse 14 He says that He is married to her! Either the translation is inconsistent here, or my whole thesis does not hold water. I believe that the King James translation is inconsistent again here. The word "married" in verse 14 is #1166 in Strong's. It means to be master, hence to marry. I think that's a little ambiguous. Therefore, I looked the word up in the Brown, Driver, and Briggs Hebrew lexicon. Here the meaning becomes clear as "to be lord over". The Revised Standard version of the scriptures more accurately translates this verse as: "Return, O faithless children, says God, for I am your master;".
Obviously, Israel could not return to God if she were spiritually re-married, otherwise God would be breaking His own law (Deut. 24:3-4).
Anyone can come to God through Jesus the Messiah. When you accept Jesus as your savior, and obey His law (God's law), you become a part of the commonwealth of Israel (Ephesians chapter 2). This is how Israel returns to God. It's the only way. Jesus is the door (John 10:9). No man comes to the Father except by Him. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:16).
There is another area of the law that applies to divorce and re-marriage. Most people want to ignore this part of the law, but that does not nullify it. The law that I am referring to is found in Deut. 22, starting in verse 23. "If a damsel [that is] a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; 24 Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, [being] in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbor’s wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you." Did you notice why God says the man in this case is to be stoned? He was to die according to the law because he "humbled his neighbor’s wife"! A betrothed bride was considered the same as married. In this example from the torah, both the man that lay with a betrothed virgin and also the virgin were guilty of adultery.
I ask those who would condemn someone who has been re-married after being divorced, isn't being engaged to be married the same as being betrothed? I would say that it most certainly is the same. If getting re-married after divorce is not acceptable, then neither is marrying after splitting up from being engaged acceptable. Let's be consistent with God's law. "Thou that sayest a man should not commit adultery, dost thou commit adultery?" (Romans 2:22)
We have seen thus far in this study that re-marriage after a divorce is in fact consistent with God's law. A man can exact the law and divorce his wife, unless his case is one of the exceptions that was discussed. "And now I will show you the most excellent way." (1 Corinthians 12:31) Colossians 3:18-19 NIV 18. Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in Jesus. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
Ephesians 5:22-33 NIV 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to Jesus. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Messiah is the head of the assembly, His body, of which He is the Savior. 24 Now as the assembly submits to Messiah, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Messiah loved the assembly and gave Himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing {Or having cleansed} her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to Himself as a radiant assembly, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no-one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Messiah does the assembly--30 for we are members of His body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." {Gen. 2:24} 32 This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Messiah and the assembly. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
If people would only take these words seriously, there would be no such problem as broken families. Wives need to submit to their husbands, and husbands need to love their wives. This is easier said than done. God did not include any qualifiers in the above quoted scriptures. That makes it real hard for a wife to submit to a husband that is not living as he should be. Yet God did not say "wives submit to your husbands as long as he is totally righteous." He simply says "wives submit to your husbands." By the same token, husbands are to "love your wives, just as Messiah loved the assembly and gave Himself up for her...husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no-one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Messiah does the assembly." It's all about headship. No woman who is seeking Jesus is going to have a problem submitting to a man who submits himself to Jesus and His word. No man who is following the example of Jesus is going to have a problem with giving of himself to his wife.
However, we do not live in an ideal world yet. People do not do a perfect job of living by the word of God. Therefore, most marriages are not perfect. We run into problems. Are we supposed to end a marriage the first time we get frustrated? No! We need to follow the example of Jesus in all things. "To this you were called, because Messiah suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps. He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in His mouth." {Isaiah 53:9} When they hurled their insults at Him, He did not retaliate; when He suffered, He made no threats. Instead, He entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly. He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness;" (1 Peter 2:21-24 NIV).
Perhaps your spouse is ignoring the word of God, and you are being mistreated, abused, neglected. If you really believe the words of our Savior, if you consider yourself to be a believer, then you must respond as Jesus would. Do not retaliate. Do not make threats. Entrust yourself to Him who judges justly. Remember these words of apostle Paul: "If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are set apart. But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace." (1 Cor. 7:12-15)
Why are there so many divorces/remarriages today? One reason, I believe, is that we condition our young people for it by promoting the whole idea of dating! Our teenagers date, get emotionally involved with someone, then split up and start the cycle over again. There is no such precedent in the scriptures. God's way has been forgotten and replaced by man's way. The bottom line is that people are not living according to the word of God. The physical is a shadow of the spiritual. If unhealthy marriages are commonplace, then it follows that it is commonplace that our relationship with our spiritual husband, Jesus, is unhealthy. Look around you. It is obvious that we need to return to God.
God divorced Israel. He is calling her back. Jesus is again going to marry Israel. This time His bride will be submissive. The bride that Jesus is going to marry is a different Israel. She has the same name, but this is a different person. The Israel that God divorced had a heart of stone. She would not submit to God. This Israel was from a very specific blood line. The Israel that God is going to marry this time comes from any and all blood lines. This Israel does not have a heart of stone. She has God's way of life written on her heart. This is an entirely different person than the one that God divorced. A new covenant has been drawn up. This time the covenant has been sealed with Jesus’ own blood. Let's be a part of that perfect marriage, and let's let our own marriages be a shadow of what is to come.
Respect Others—Even if They Haven't Earned It
(How to Respect People Who Don't "Deserve" Respect)
(c) 2005 by Doug Britton (Permission granted to print for personal use)
Show proper respect to everyone (1 Peter 2:17).
Introduction: It can be hard to respect others.
When counseling with couples, I often hear one person say something along the lines of, "He (or she) hasn't earned my respect." Parents often say this of their teenage children. Most of us slip into this way of thinking when we talk about politicians.
It's normal to feel this way, yet it isn't the attitude God wants us to have. We can be aware of others' faults, and there may be times when we need to confront sin, yet the Bible tells us that we need to maintain an attitude of respect for everybody.
May these guidelines, adapted from Chapter 5 of the book Encourage Your Spouse, help you develop a godly, respectful attitude toward those around you.
Show respect because God commands it.
A good starting point is to respect others because God said to. For example, we read in the Bible that husbands and wives are to respect their spouse:
... and the wife must respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33).
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect ... (1 Peter 3:7)
The same principle applies to other relationships. Peter wrote that we should show respect to everyone and honor the king, although the king in those days was an evil person
(1 Peter 2:17).
Respect others because of their position.
You can respect your spouse, child, parent, boss or others because of their position. For example, after David killed Goliath, he became more popular than King Saul. Saul became jealous and determined to kill David, so David fled.
Saul gathered his army and chased David. On two different occasions, when Saul’s army was pursuing David, David had the chance to kill Saul.
Most of us would say that David had every right to kill Saul. After all, Saul was trying to kill him. Yet although he knew that Saul’s actions did not deserve respect, David honored Saul as his king and refused to kill him. At his second opportunity to kill Saul, David said, "The LORD forbid that I should lay a hand on the LORD’S anointed" (1 Samuel 26:11).
God wants you to respect others because of their position in your life.
Acknowledge that others have weaknesses.
Everyone is imperfect. Be careful not to let their failures erode your respect for their good qualities.
Look for things that you can respect.
You can find something to respect in anybody if you look hard enough.
Respect others as children of God.
When with Christians, you are with God’s children and should honor them accordingly—regardless of how they are acting. (When with non-Christians, respect is still necessary!)
Respect others as made in the image of God.
The Bible says, "For in the image of God has God made man" (Genesis 9:6). Whether or not someone is a Christian, honor him or her as God’s creation.
Honor others because God loves them.
The Bible says, "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins" (1 John 4:10). Do not dishonor someone God loves.
Respect others' desire to be good people.
Your husband, wife, child, boss or employee may make foolish decisions. He or she may be lazy and forgetful. Yet chances are good he or she wants to be a good person and do the right thing. You can respect the desire of someone's heart even if you are disappointed by his or her actions.
Honor others for their potential.
See others as God does. Each of us has an amazing potential. Gideon was a fearful man, living hidden from the enemy, yet the angel of the Lord greeted him by saying, "The Lord is with you, mighty warrior" (Judges 6:12). The angel’s greeting was not because of anything Gideon had done, but because he knew how God planned to use Gideon.
Personal application:
Who is someone you have had trouble respecting?
Which of these insights will help you treat him or her with more respect ... even if he or she has not "earned" your respect?
