Every person is different.
Every worker, locality and time period is different.
Therefore, what is the purpose of looking at a Two-by-Two childhood?
Maybe none.
But it is worthy of note that nearly every person raised as a Two-by-Two, mentions the same kinds of feelings and experiences. The Two-by-Two system has changed somewhat since it first began in 1897.
Therefore, care must be taken against the obvious fallacy of saying this is how it is, was or will always be.
This examination of the Two-by-Two system does not extend a criticism of any particular person, people, or workers. The criticism is of the system, not with the people of the system. The Two-by-Two lifestyle and system is more like a prejudicial environment rather that a true church with an organized set of doctrinal beliefs. That is why it is so difficult for some people raised within it to adjust to thinking through a set of beliefs or to shed their attitudes towards Christianity and Christian churches. They are dealing more with emotional prejudices which have been instilled on an unconscious level.
Common Clichés
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“The truth is the only true church on earth today.”
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“You don't need to know why! You just need to obey!”
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“Because I said so, that's why!”
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“The workers are apostles, God's interpreters, God's mouthpieces, so we must honor and obey them.”
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“Children should be seen and not heard!”
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“Spare the rod and spoil the child,” was quoted much more frequently than “Fathers, provoke not your child to wrath.”
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“Children, obey your parents in all things.”
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“What if Jesus came back while you were doing that?”
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“Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies. Keep your mouth shut and you'll swallow no flies.”
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“Live long enough and learn.”
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“God's people don't do that.” God's people don't have that.” God's people don't look like that.”
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“We are a peculiar people.”
And if the child points out that some professing people actually do something which the parents said God's people don't do, the reply is:
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“That doesn't mean that YOU can do it!!”
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“Christmas is a Catholic (or a pagan) holiday. God's people mustn't have any part of it.”
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“The workers wouldn't like it.” (That settles that!!)
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“What if someone saw you playing Rook? They might think you were gambling. It is just better to avoid playing games which involve cards or dice. God's people need to avoid the appearance of evil.”
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“What if someone in the audience is drinking or swearing, your presence there would condone that. And what would that look like, if you are supposed to represent Christ?”
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“Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!!”
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“I don't agree with the workers on this particular issue, but we don't want to discourage them.” Or, “We don't see this as being scripturally important but we want to be on the safe side, so.....” This usually meant..............”we will do it their way, at least while they are around.”
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“Dare to be different if different is right.”
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“You should be ashamed of yourself.”
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“Get a hold of yourself!!”
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“You stupid idiot! What's the matter with you?”
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“You mean you have professed all these years and don't know the answer to THAT???!!!”
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“What would the workers say?”
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“What would the friends say?”
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“What would people think?”
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“Why can't you be more like so and so?”
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“What if Jesus came back while you were there?”
As you can see by the preceding statements, there is little need or room for logical thought, or a reasoned response to scripture......just a knee jerk reaction to conformity, or else. If there is an appeal to scripture, it is generally to justify the authority of the workers as “apostles.” Therefore, they must be obeyed, without comment or thought.
The workers have the right to dictate simply because of what they claim to be.
Other attempts at using scripture to justify something are usually confusing,
intimidating,
illogical
or just plain fallacious.
Different Environmental Factors
There are different kinds of families withing the Two-by-Two church. Their family environment and family status within the church affects the children in certain ways.
(1.) Children who are being groomed for the work.
(2.) Children who were raised in a divided home.
(3.) Children whose homes were constantly frequented by workers.
(4.) Children whose families rarely saw workers or attended meetings.
(5.) Children with workers as relatives or whose families have professed for several generations.
(6.) Children whose homes are used as meeting places or convention grounds.
(7.) Children whose parents were strong Christians before they professed.
(8.) Children of parents who are not respected by the workers for whatever reason: economic, social, because they verbalize Christian beliefs, because they don't conform, etc.
(9.) Children of abusive, dysfunctional, or alcoholic professing parents.
(10.) Foster children or adopted children of professing families.
(11.) Children whose parents reject the system but who are still affected by the system through grandparents or other relatives.
(12.) Children whose parents despised Christian churches and who may not have had any Christian beliefs before they professed.
Some families and workers are extremely adept at controlling children and adults with nothing more than:
a FROWN,
a SNEERING remark,
a LIFTED eyebrow
or PURSED lips.
Some of the more toxic families use MOCKERY, SARCASM, BELITTLING and NAME CALLING to intimidate children into conformity. And of course, there is the use of the belt, the hair brush, the wooden spoon, or the stick as well as time out in the corner, being locked in a closet, a few pinches, hard thumps on the head, twisted ears, glares or looks that could kill.
Yelling is a quick way to control children. Lack of parental approval is obvious in most families. Some workers look down on parents who don't intimidate their children into conformity, so it is very important to the more insecure parents to demand obedience of their offspring.
It almost seems there is a connection between the need for parental approval and cults. Some people who were raised with the least amount of parental approval have the hardest time believing the the love and Grace of God. Children of toxic parents are often more tied to a toxic view of God.
However, there are some professing parents who are very loving, kind and gentle with their children. These parents don't use harshness, but their sweetness make it difficult to resist their beliefs and lifestyle. The children are quietly led into ignorant compliance instead. These adult children also find it extremely difficult to understand the Bible or to question their parents' or grandparents' beliefs.
Inconsistency is a way of life in most Two-by-Two families. Inconsistency alone is enough to confuse children raised in a cult or abusive church. The brain organizes, retrieves and acts upon information which is stored in a logical building block fashion. If information is not organized, it is difficult to process and understand it.
Each year, families and workers in each locality vary in which rules are observed. The varying rules creates an atmosphere of disappointment. Childhood hopes are often dashed or unrealized. One family had planned a trip to Disneyland, but after convention, it was decided that such frivolity was unnecessary and the money was given to the workers instead. Some families fluctuate with Christmas, observing it one year, then not observing it the next year. Family pleasures, recreation or important events, such as birthdays, graduations, school events, concerts or hobbies usually take back seat to meetings, conventions or whatever the workers require.
One teenager had bought tickets to attend a concert, (very mild by teen standards) and then, after convention, the parents decided that the occasion was not fit for a “child of God” and the teen had to give the tickets away to neighbors. Usually the spurts of piety coincide with convention attendance.
Some Two-by-Two children have clothes, radios, records or other possessions destroyed by parents. Rarely is any attempt made to justify this with scripture, unless it is the one-verse-fits-all:
“Abstain from the appearance of evil.”
No matter if it doesn't appear evil.........if the workers think it IS evil, IT IS EVIL!!!
For some babies and toddlers, the meetings are a place of fear. I can remember the dread I felt as we got ready for meeting and on the car ride to meeting. I just KNEW that a spanking was inevitable. I can also remember the anger I felt at being spanked for something I didn't know that I had done.
I only knew that I was spanked,
that I was sobbing and that my father was shaking me,
squeezing my face, whispering to me to HUSH UP.
I can remember thinking, “I can't hush up.
You made me cry!
Why are you telling me to STOP CRYING!!!”
These episodes of terror at a young age, do NOTHING to impress children with the love of God.
Many Two-by-Two children feel uncomfortable while workers are visiting because they know they have to speak quietly, or stay out of sight in order to please them and their parents. However, some children of abusive parents actually feel relief when the workers ARE around. For these children, the workers are the more benevolent factor in their lives. The parents act pleasant and normal ONLY while the workers are visiting.
DEVALUATION
Devaluation is a real problem for children raised as a Two-by-Two. The Two-by-Two system never really has understood the doctrine of sin. Their issue is more with “human nature” or “the world” and they devalue human beings with derogatory remarks and sermon attacks on humanity in general. Then they even have the audacity to refer to Jesus Christ as simply being a human.........not giving “HIM” the reverence “HE” is due as God. (Jesus was God before “HE” became a human being.)
They make professing people ashamed of the fact that they are “humans!!!” This flies in the face of everything that the Bible says about God's great creation of mankind, that we originally were created perfect. Being ashamed of being human is an affront to God. “HE” created us in “HIS” image, “HE” loves us, “HE” atoned for us.
Yes, we are weak, Yes, our lives are as fleeting as grass, Yes, we sin, Yes, we now have a sin nature.
But God took care of that for those who believe in Jesus!! For those who love God, it is an honor to be human!!! We should rejoice in our humanity and the opportunity it affords us. We should rejoice in the position we hold in “HIS” eyes. Children raised in a professing environment aren't allowed to be glad they are humans. They are encouraged in subtle ways to hate themselves and to hate life on earth.
Some of the most tragic stories of childhood misery are told by adult children from “DIVIDED HOMES.” This is the term for homes in which one spouse is not professing. Children in “divided homes” are usually ignored by workers and friends. Sporadic attempts are made to lure the unprofessing spouse into fellowship. If these attempts are repeatedly rebuffed, the workers turn a haughty nose to the family. This in turn, creates a resentment in the professing person towards the unprofessing person. The workers drive a REAL WEDGE between married partners in divided homes. Professing women who leave and divorce unprofessing husbands are treated like martyrs, whether they are or not. The professing person (usually the wife) will look down on, talk against and whine about her lot with her unprofessing husband.
She will attempt to draw the children into the conspiracy against the unprofessing husband in order to coerce or shame him into attending meetings with her. She has no shame in the methods used:
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Whining,
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Crying,
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Lying,
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Yelling,
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Playing tricks,
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Pouting,
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Sullen refusal to speak,
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Bringing up old offenses,
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Preaching against him,
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Telling him he is going to hell, etc.
This behavior serves several purposes:
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It is an attempt to create sympathy,
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To get attention from the workers,
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To intimidate the children into professing,
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To prove to the workers that she is faithful and better than her unprofessing husband.
And she truly believes she is justified in all these manipulative cruelties.
It is for his soul's salvation, for heaven's sake!!!
The children in these families learn early that approval
is based on whether you profess and conform.
These children may also withdraw from other people. They are in a sort of no-man's land, like a war zone. They are embarrassed to bring other children to their homes for fear of an outburst from the toxic parent or parents. They don't feel comfortable with professing people or workers and they don't feel at home with unprofessing people either.
It is no wonder that some of these children become agnostics, atheists or even satanists.
Children raised as Two-by-Two's often grow up confused, especially about religion. They don't understand the reasons for such behavior because there aren't any good reasons. If the marriage actually survives, the children usually sympathize with the unprofessing parent rather than the professing one. And if the marriage ends, the children are still confused. Even if they do profess, they don't really understand why their lives were so chaotic, why the workers and friends ignored or avoided them, no matter how hard they tried for approval.
Some children from these kinds of homes, develop emotional disturbances:
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Eating disorders,
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Compulsive obsessions,
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Low self-esteem,
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Destructive habits,
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Suicidal feelings or attempts at suicide,
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Fears,
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Interest in the occult,
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Alcoholism,
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Years of counseling,
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Trips back and forth to mental health clinics,
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Drugs for depression, etc.
They sometimes profess, drop out, and reprofess many times during their lifetimes, usually trying to win the approval of their harassing professing parent and never satisfying her or the workers. They have difficulty understanding scripture or doctrine, difficulty understanding why they are so unhappy or unable to relate to God or other people.
There are other Two-by-Two childhood survivors who have even worse experiences:
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Those who were sexually molested,
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Those who were raped or traumatized by professing adults, workers or relatives.
Although the actual frequency of this problem is unknown, there have been reports from victims or victims' families, to indicate that this is a widespread problem and certainly warrants concern.
Alarm fear, trauma, tiredness, boredom, isolation from competing world views, confusing information, repetitious words, repetitious activity, conflicting instructions, constantly changing rules, are important factors in reducing a person' ability to learn or logically process information.
Children who have been isolated from healthy social interaction in a variety of settings become timid, fearful, suspicious adults.
They suffer from low self-esteem, lack trust in their own ability to process information and often look for someone else to direct their decisions and beliefs.
The brain stores information, retrieves it, builds upon it and places value on information that is important to the person's survival. Therefore, instruction which claims to provide eternal life is extremely important to most individuals. It is no wonder that people raised with certain beliefs hold onto them even when they are found to conflict with scripture. These beliefs are so firmly lodged in the personality and brain that it takes a great deal of study and thought to change.
Tension, alarm, or anxiety can cause dissociation and creates compliant, fearful people. The isolation within a cultic environment produces depression, tension and fear. Children don't know who to trust and they must continually guard against the next punishment or disapproval.
A healthy family and community of people teaches children how to make decisions for themselves and it encourages children to seek information from a variety of people and places. People become passive if they are constantly receiving disapproval or correction.
The more often a neural pattern of activation is present, the more the brain builds in that pattern. For instance, a child who practices the piano, baseball, tennis, reading, etc., the better he or she becomes at that activity.
The more practice and opportunity of doing and succeeding in different experiences, the more confident the child becomes at doing a different things.
But, if the child practices something and constantly gets in trouble, is made to feel embarrassed or does not receive approval in the process, the less confident he will become.
If the child is NOT ALLOWED to do things, especially a wide variety of things he would like to do, he may lose interest or develop a sour grapes attitude toward that activity. Or he may become very timid and withdrawn because he feels inferior to those who are able to do those things.
The best way to help children (as well as adults) develop confidence is to give them choices and experiences in a safe environment. If a safe environment is not provided, the child grows up always asking, “What shall I do?” He will be afraid of his own judgment, fearing he will do the wrong thing and get into trouble.
The brain has several different layers:
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The cortical layer contains the cells which store and retrieve abstract and concrete thought.
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The limbic layer controls the social attachments, family interaction, sexual behavior, emotional reactions.
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The mid-brain controls appetite and sleep.
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The brain stem controls bodily functions such as blood pressure, body temperature, heart rate, etc.
Certain layers of the brain are harder to change once a pattern has been set. For instance, once a pattern of social and sexual behavior is set in the limbic center of the brain, it is much more difficult to change than information or behavior that is located in the cortical layer.
However, with God, nothing is impossible.
Those who have studied personality development, tell us that the most important factor in the future health of the person is the family. Parental love and approval are key to the security and development of a healthy, functioning adult.
Dr. Bruce Perry points out that confidence and self-awareness is developed by parental appreciation and support. A child can grow to trust his ability to function, reason and make decisions when his parents love him and provide safe learning experiences.
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What happens when a child experiences ongoing criticism, lack of approval, withdrawn parental approval, raised eyebrows or mockery among the important people in his life?
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What happens if the child is ignored when he tries to accomplish something or utilize a talent?
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What happens when young child is subjected to uncomfortable hair combing, uncomfortable clothes, frowns, slaps, pinches, spankings or parental glares every meeting day of the year for the first few years of his life or for most of his life?
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What happens when a child has no friends to play with or talk to after meeting or at school?
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What happens when the workers take precedence in the home on a regular basis?
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What happens when children are not taught about the Bible at their own age level?
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What happens when the Bible is not taught in a logical, systematic fashion?
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What happens when the subject of “doctrine” is ridiculed by workers and parents?
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What happens when a child is spanked for something he doesn't realize he even did?
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What happens when a child is spanked for something he could not help, as in the case of children with high activity levels or short attention spans?
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What happens when a child is mocked or privately sneered at for his physical appearance or clothing?
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What happens when a way of life is more of a prejudicial culture than an organized system of belief?
THE FIGHT, FLIGHT, or FREEZE reaction:
A child who is traumatized will often dissociate from a threatening environment. Dissociation is a turn off mechanism in the brain which allows a child to mentally retreat from an experience that is too frightening or confusing to deal with. Whether a child dissociates depends on several factors, the child's age, sex, size, and ability to cope. Dissociation also can occur in children and adults who are placed in a boring situation. It is characterized by spacing out, quiet compliance, dull eyes, inattentiveness or retreat into a fantasy world of dreams.
Researchers have noticed that boys may misbehave after having been traumatized or abused, while girls may withdraw and dissociate. They have noted that girls or young children may not show any affects of neglect or abuse until they are adults, and then they may develop psychoses, eating disorders, panic disorder, heart hunger, heart ache, or describe a feeling as “a hole in the heart.”
Although the workers give verbal priority to lifelong marriages, it is remarkable that many people raised as Two-by-Two's have unsuccessful marriages, some of them simply live with different men or women without committing to marriage at all, due to their lack of respect for themselves or the purpose of marriage. For some, it may be that they intend to reprofess some day and don't want to have the problem of divorce as a hindrance.
Children who are raised in a Two-by-Two environment, frequently express that they have a poor sense of self-esteem.
Some of them express a distrust or fear of people. Whether this is from the Two-by-Two environment, family background, a personality trait or what is hard to tell. But people from a Two-by-Two childhood often dislike being part of a crowd. They are often non-joiners, private, loners or nonconformists. This makes it very hard for them to adjust to life among Christians or to study or accept Christian beliefs. This and the fact that they are trained to view Christians as “the enemy” makes it very difficult to have fellowship with other believers.
People who profess into the Two-by-Two system as adults usually do not view life, others, themselves or God in the same way that those raised as Two-by-Two's do.
It is easier for a person NOT raised as a Two-by-Two to leave the group after they have found out that the group is not “the truth.” They can usually adjust to life outside much easier. They can pick up the threads of their lives and get on with it. They may feel some anger for having been deceived, but they get over that rather quickly and adjust.
Adults who were not Christians previous to the Two-by-Two experience may have more difficulty in transferring to Christian beliefs. Adults from unhappy childhood experiences also experience a sense of great loss when they find out that their Two-by-Two “Family” is not as loving or trustworthy as they had been led to believe.
Those who WERE Christians before they “professed,” simply look for a new church, studying doctrine and scripture. They don't blame God, they just become more careful about their spiritual choices.
BUT, for those raised within 'it,” there are many more factors involved:
“Who am I?'
“What are my interests, what is my real personality like?”
“Will my parents reject me forever?
“Who will my friends be?”
“How should I dress and wear my hair?”
“Should I pursue the interests I always wished to pursue?”
“Will my family accept me if I witness to them or try to help them?”
“Will my family reject me if I tell them how I feel about my life and the Two-by-Two system?”
“What does the Bible really mean by what it says?”
“Is there really a God or is this all a big waste of time?”
“What if the workers are right?”
“What if I am being deceived again?”
“What church should I attend?”
“What is meant by the word 'doctrine?”
“Will I always feel this anxiety or will it go away?”
“Why am I so fearful?”
“Why do I feel so lonely?”
“Why do I sometimes feel that I am going crazy?”
“Will I be able to raise children without harming them?”
“Should I move away and start life all over again?”
“Should I divorce my mate?”
“Should I remarry?”
“Should I quit my job and start life over again?”
“Should I move to a new community?”
“Should I drop out of meetings for awhile and then reprofess again after I feel more normal?
“Should I just forget about God altogether?”
These questions and maybe more, affect those raised in the Two-by-Two's.
Those looking on, need to be aware of them if they hope to help these people know God and understand the Bible.
From the “Forward Press – Winter, 1995
MY CHILD
Oh child, My child,
what blessing you be
Your tiny eyes open
Your family you see!
Your life will be heavenly,
With blessings divine,
We'll mold you and shape you
Reflecting our mind.
The task will be painful,
Of breaking your will,
And binding your talents
Your voice must be still.
Relentless the labor
Of fitting you in,
Demands no time wasted
From birth must begin!
We'll feed you and clothe you
And you'll never thirst.
But when you have questions,
The WORKERS come first.
You'll see in this household,
There is but one mold,
So calmly surrender,
And enter this fold.
Oh child, My child.....
What blessing you be,
As long as you follow,
And don't disagree!!!
By “West Coast” - USA
What do the workers say?
How true this is with us who are GOD'S INTERPRETERS.
(Job 33:22-24)
It is a life and death matter and it's vital to give the exact message Jesus spoke, with the help of the Holy Sprit.”
~ ~ Eldon Tenniswood Personal Letter – January 21, 1980
