January 16, 1998
New Mexico
To Whom It May Concern/Dear Forward Press,
Hello! My name is Y_ _ _ _ _ R_ _ _ _ _. I left the meetings 1-1/2 years ago, but have been very troubled. I find I need support in truly learning “The Mind of Christ,” because in 17 years of going to meetings I thought that’s what I was learning. I had come out of “The World,” as they say, to learn how to be Godly, as that was my heart’s desire! I did anything they said I needed to do, EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING, until a worker propositioned me to commit the act of sex, but to promise to continue going to meeting no matter what!
Before I continue, I must tell you I had a PAST! A nightmare of a life, from child molestation from a very religious man to in and out of marriage from age 16, alcoholic father, neurotic mother, etc. I was seeking love, stability, home, guidance, etc. etc. At my very first meeting, I thought, “Ahh, I have found it all!”
There’s much more that went on--all through the years so much has happened.
In the beginning, I attached myself to a brother worker whom I believed had compassion on my very chaotic life and happenings, and I believed he loved my soul. I looked to him as the Dad I’d longed for and kept very close to him, and he to me. I believed that someone finally loved me purely! Well, through the years I married someone going to meetings and our/my testimony was taken away, because of my past. I endured it! The humility every Sunday and the anguish! They came right before the wedding to tell me.
Well, I stayed close to this brother worker, as all others forsook us and our family (the bad examples). The heartaches were so great for another 8-1/2 years. As I poured out my heart to this worker, he continued to share his life with me, some of his loves, disappointments, etc. He shared about the women he’d been in love with and his hurts, etc. I listened and never said a word, as I believed it was love in the heart. Then he revealed how he touched them at times. Then a few years ago, he revealed about one he’d been having an affair with for five years. Things started to gnaw at my heart as he shared these things, and instead of saying anything, I wanted to know everything. As I wrote him, I led him to believe I would be his friend through all his revealing.
Well, he continued to tell me more and more until one day what he told me made me sick to my stomach. He told me how he lusted over a little girl, age 7, “because God made man to love woman’s flesh!” My mind knew this was not of God, since I’ve been molested, and feel my life was ruined so much because of it. I felt like vomiting, thinking of a grown man thinking of little girls as women’s flesh! After that when I went to a meeting and someone mentioned the word worker--I wanted to vomit!
Well, more things happened that I could not swallow! (The camel). So I called and told him that I was thinking of leaving meetings! He said, “If you leave, God will leave you.” More things continued to happen! My soul was waxed cold--what to do? I wanted to die! To die! I hadn’t told a soul a word, not even my own husband! But I wouldn’t go to meeting! Then: All the Pressure! Going to hell, etc.
Well now, he’s an overseer of a state in the USA. This makes him look good and me like DIRT! I was the divorcee, right, the bad example, etc. Well, he won’t admit a thing. Workers tell me he says he’s sorry—to forgive him; that I have no proof; that I’m accusing a servant of God, etc. I tell them he’s only sorry. He told me--he bragged of his affairs--of breaking their hearts. Some affairs were with sister workers; others were divorcees, others were married women! He told me that he is kind to women, so they could want him. My trust has all been crushed, and he could care less. Now workers are getting on to me--not to tell.
So I’m sending you a copy of a letter from the last worker who says not even angels accuse the Devil, etc. I’m asking you if you would please analyze this letter. I have others also telling me what is of God! Please reply.
Thank you,
Y_ _ _ _ _ R_ _ _ _ _
